Yearly Triviality Ends Again With a Song in Your Lizard
The Lawrentian, February 22, 1974.
At 11:45 p.m. all attention was focused on the rectangular box on the bookcase with "Pioneer" scrawled in silver on the front. The symbolic green dial glistened. The white cinder block cubicle, though meant for only one, seemed to expand far beyond its normal boundaries. This expansion was needed considering the throngs whose job it had become to be experts in naval history, "Gilligan's Island", the gnomes of the German High Command, and dictionary quotes. They were waiting for the Super Garruda.
Finally it happened. What holiday is celebrated during the second week of November? Who knew? Not a body with a brain in the top had any idea of what the answer was. All that could be agreed upon was that it was bound to celebrate something obscure.
No one knew. No one in the entire world had ever heard of National Split Pea Soup Week. How does that make all of you with the 3.49 g.p.a.'s feel?
The final tabulations had to be made. The tension would need a chain saw to be sliced. There was talk of negotiations with one of the contending teams. There was talk of a playoff. There was talk of cheating, and the fairness of the accusations. There were the constant threats on the life of the General Manager of WLFM for his giving the Fourth Tower of Iverness radio time that could have better been used advocating the saving of human manure as a food substance.
Finally, an hour after the Fox Valley came in first in the Stupid Derby again, the results were finalized. Lizard had won. Sky King was a close second, and Kirwood Dirby a strong third. All were called down to claim the awards they coveted so much. What would you do for an old round black cushion with WLFM 1974 TRIVIA CONTEST engraved in red paint? All of the big winners marched to the Music Drama Center and claimed the spoils of war.
It was a contest that was marked with the emergence of Lizard on its own after two years of living under the shadow of Mad Dog and Sammy's Pizza. Lizard was the freshman team that started 90 minutes behind all other Trivia teams four years ago and finished fifth, using well its most effective weapon, guessing blindly.
The contest saw some changes this year, some of which were necessary, but at the same time took a lot of the fun out of Trivia. The most crushing blow would seem to be banning the calling in of answers under more than one team name. The institution of this rule would seem to be a result of the armadillo invasion of last year, when thousands of the little creatures found themselves crawling through the radio speakers in naked, dead free spirit, golden, and bush-like forms. While it took all of the creativity out of trivia, this rule also prevented an invasion by salamanders, iguanas, weasels, or other icky creatures.
There was a black mark on the contest as one of the eventual winners was discovered to have someone undertaking espionage for them. Although innocent of any knowledge of the action, the spy's actions were judged the responsibility of the team and they were docked some points and kept out of the contest for a while. But this handicap was overcome and they put on a driving finish.
The news of the first place finish brought joy, although not surprise, for lizard. The big question was in what manner to accept the award. It was decided that the best means of acceptance was a show of the strength of Lizard by appearing en masse. The conquerors marched from the depths of the Appleton frontier (Trever Hall) into civilization (Alton Street). As they marched into the territory to be occupied, they sang the songs that they were becoming known for: "Swing Low Sweet Armadillo" and "Barbara Ann". The chorus could be heard from the halls of the Zuelke Building to the shores of Lake Winnebago.
The off campus winners came in their battle wagons in an awesome display of trivial power. The generals had their vehicles parked in front of Trivia Headquarters. A steady stream of bodies flowed in and out, all there to claim the spoils of war. The last group to leave was, of course, the on campus winner. The evening ended with the cry from one of the happy crew, "On to The Mark to eat pizza!" and the woeful cry of another, "And then everyone back to Trever to clean up my room."
There was not a great deal of argument, frustration, anger, and desire for vengeance. But in spite of the small amount of hostility that surfaced, there was always one cry that sounded by all trivia teams: Why the hell is he playing the Fourth Tower of Iverness again?