Who was buried in Grant's tomb?
The Lawrentian, January 30, 1976.
After God created man, He knew his life would be drenched in sin. In order to save him from eternal damnation, science and boredom, God sent his Trivia Masters to the planet earth. These Trivia Masters came with a definite mission - to rid man of his everyday trials and tribulations by asking him meaningless questions to fill his idle time. Instead of asking man, "Who are you?," the Trivia Masters ask, "Who sold love potion No. 9?" And instead of asking man, "What are you?," the Trivia Masters ask, "What was the name of Spock's father in Star Trek?"
Fir those of you who have been either living in a cave this term, or have been hibernating in the basement of the Conservatory blowing your musical armadillo, TRIVIA IS COMING! If you are a naïve freshman or if you have a 4.0, let us take a few moments to define TRIVIA:
TRIVIA is first of all not a:
1. course taught at Lawrence by Mr. Food
2. new, oral contraceptive for men
3. musical armadillo.
TRIVIA is a:
1. 50 hour contest sponsored by WLFM
2. mid-winter event that has been held for each of the past 10 years
3. method to "fry" Lawrentians in a way that alcohol and marijuana cannot.
TRIVIA will be held not this weekend, bozos, but the next weekend. From next Friday 10 pm until Sunday the 8th of February at midnight, 50 hours of fun-filled madness will have elapsed. And if you think you are going to study that weekend, forget it, buster.
A question (not yes-no nor true-false) will be asked for a certain number of points, and then a record lasting from three to four minutes will be played. WLFM's six phone lines will take in calls from both on-campus and off-campus teams around the area. When the record is finished, the question is repeated, the answer is given, and points are awarded to the teams who give the correct answer. Sounds logical enough, doesn't it?
Prizes will be awarded to the dorms receiving the most points. Last year the Phi Taus and Co., the controversial Sum Kinda Dummies, won the contest, getting a pair of men's briefs saying "Trivia 75" on it. Other past prizes have included a dust pan saying the same thing and a 25 pound block of salt. (Rub that in your wounds this year Phi Taus; Tuna Tower says it is out to get you.)
If the GD WLFM stereo generator isn't fixed by the time the contest begins, and if the $6,000 hence isn't raised, the President of the IRA is going to air-mail a letter bomb to every Lawrentian who doesn't contribute to the cause. So empty your pockets, cheapos, the IRA and its Belfast Bonozos say it has enough wizzards (not lizzards) to beat even Tuna Tower this year. Don't forget to buy a Trivia T-shirt, available in WLFM studios, for a mere $2.50
And where are the armadillos this year? We wouldn't let our daughter go out with an armadillo, let alone marry one. Is it too freezing cold for our ant-eating armatus(es)? Our daughter was once bitten by an armadillo. We had to take her to the vet. Watch out Phi Taus for the small tacks in the chocolate covered cake. And Tuna Tower, the Chicken of the Sea is a Virgin.